Leaving an Impact

Metroidvanias have got to be one of my favourite game genres. The gameplay loop can be so rewarding and addicting. Exploring area after area, finding new gear or abilities that let you explore even more. Sometimes it’s the abilities you use to finally clear a boss from earlier in the game that you had to ignore after so many failed attempts. Sometimes, and honestly my personal favourite is when developers give you new movement tools for your arsenal. The double jump in hollow knight that comes halfway through the game (fact check) is soooo satisfying. I mean I know that at that point I’m retracing my steps through areas I’ve been to numerous times and yet it all feels so fresh. Like yes this is my 10th time passing through the “City of Tears” but now I can just fly over all these enemies or skip annoying rooms and hallways making the experience feel so refreshing. Even when I have to go all the way out the way from what I think is the main objective because hey! now I got Poison Immunity and I remember one room from the first area that I’m DYING to know what’s inside.

See I’m regrettably a gameplay first kinda girly, if the combat or movement doesn’t feel good then… It's really hard for me to get invested. And a huge part of what I enjoy is when devs leave space for creativity in the hands of their player. I get hard locks functionally, sometimes it serves a narrative purpose or forces players to go down routes they wouldn’t even notice otherwise, yet there’s this satisfaction that after hitting my head against a wall for an hour or two I can finally break through it. I don’t need extra damage or some long range attacks etc. to deal with a boss, when I’ve got all I need and the only thing stopping me is either my own resourcefulness or how well I’ve optimized MY gameplay, that’s when I get hooked. So when I first start playing Pseudoregalia with no idea what I’m getting into and the first upgrade I find is the Sun Greaves, y’know those little bootsies that let you jump off walls at all types of weird angles? I’m in love.

Immediately I took to exploring every seemingly dead end I thought I’d came across in only the first hour of playing. Going into areas after making a stupid wall jumping sequence work over 10 minutes of trial and error and realizing “oh shit, I’m locked out of the other half of this area.” It was hilarious and so much fun. The amount of work arounds that I found when I first played through the game made me just ecstatic to keep pushing the tools I got to the limit of what this game would let me get away with.

And it's a quick game too, my first run took me just under 6 hours in spite of all these shenanigans I was up to. It’s not so short that you don’t have the space or time to get creative and not so long that it feels like it’s overstaying its welcome. The game was made by a tiny team, by every standard, during a game jam of about three weeks. Rittz being the primary dev and his Friend Matt helping with level design and making textures for the game as well as a few composers who each pitched in in making such a wonderful score.(1)

It’s a passion project, one made out of love and received with so much of it by the community. I mean the game won the Metroidvania Month 19 Game Jam it took part in and over the course of the next 4 months Rittz kept working on it to release a “full” version on Steam in July of 2023 that was overwhelmingly positively received. Rittz even says so himself in an interview with Austin Wood from Games Radar saying “I thought we’d be lucky to break the 200 or 300 review barrier, and I would have been happy if this game sold 10,000 or even 5,000 copies, frankly.” (1)

It’s a dream come true it seems and funnily enough that’s what both I and pseudo want to talk about. Dreams.

From the soundtrack to the design Pseudoregalia imprints this dreamlike atmosphere into every moment you play. Traversing these beautiful pastel levels with enemies sharing just enough characteristics to feel reminiscent of platformers I’ve played as a child yet still somehow distinct that impart this sense of nostalgia like “oh, I’ve seen you before!” The niche individual enemies fill feel clear just from their design, I mean you’ve got wheels with eyes as a central peg that spin around whatever surface they're attached to, towers with a finger pointing to the heavens calling down lightning. Even just this little guy with a sousaphone that she just blares in your direction. They’re all so cute and with simple and clear designs that let you know what you’re coming up against. And shout out to the floating headless baddies that throw fine china at me, don’t think I forgot about you. These are easily recognizable tropes in platformers yet still carry a breath of fresh air to them. I mean the n64 aesthetic just elicits this childlike whimsical approach to the world.

And each zone is made to feel so distinct with a unifying visual and sound design emphasizing the mood. I remember suddenly coming into a dark area in Dilapetated Dungeon and being so full of myself thinking (dracula flow) “this shit ain’t nothing to me man” like I knew what was going on… then suddenly dropping into The Underbelly and getting slapped in the face with these distorted drones and a drum beat that reeked of my own unchecked hubris turned against me and fed into the environment, I wanted nothing more than to run and turn tail but begrudgingly I carried through the area blind and praying for relief before climbing this rail to finally free myself from the atmospheric oppression.

Suddenly coming out into this corner of the Empty Bailey on the side of what seems to be a mountain or the castle walls and seeing an open sky stretching on and on, no end in sight. Then this theme comes into play, first a melody on the piano played in isolation, urging you to keep moving onward. A simple arpeggio joined soon after with synths and drum beat both pushing forward.

There are so many of these beautiful tiny moments Pseudoregalia gives the player. Suspiciously seeming like it knows exactly what I’m feeling when I’m feeling it and each piece of the game serving as a means to amplify, resonating with whatever it is that’s happening. Maybe it was just my luck but I can’t help but think that no matter what route someone takes these moments of synchronicity are inevitable. Hell, even tiny moments like picking out a book in the “Listless Library” that reads “You read a book on musical theory. ...The ramblings of a madman.” while “Pages of Solemnity” plays in the background. This song that casually chooses to ignore keeping any type of tempo consistent. Slowing itself down and speeding right back up just to accentuate the movement of its melody.

All this and somehow I still haven’t spoken of the story because now that you see how I experienced the game, you’ll understand that my retelling is gonna be skewed. I mean it’ll be accurate but the lens with which I present it is gonna be mine, unapologetically subjective. That is to say the story I experienced will differ from what actually occurs and truthfully, I don’t even care, so if you made it this far I hope you enjoy my retelling.

So… you play as Sybil, a bunny/goat/cat lady who for one reason or another is freed from her cell in the Dilapidated Dungeon and sets out on a task of bringing this castle back in order. Its inhabitants are running amok with goatlings who serve as butlers in a panic as the rest of the castle dwellers wreak havoc. Even the areas like the Twilight theatre that ought to be places of entertainment and leisure are in disrepair, hazards spreading throughout the entire expanse of the area and beyond.

And within this world exists 5 keys which you, Sybil, must collect to open the gateway past the Empty Bailey and atop the Tower Remains to save the princess. Something happened to her before we were set free. Suddenly locking all the goatlings away and letting her castle come undone from the inside out, it’s clear that the Princess isn’t in her right mind. And beyond this heavily locked gate you find her lying in a distorted memory of which acts as the final arena.

You, her guard, tasked with bringing order to her domain and freeing the people from her madness fight her as the final boss. She’s planted herself firmly in this dream that’s falling apart from the seams and of which her once noble rule’s become an indifferent tyranny. At some point along the way she lost sight of the princess she was, who she wanted to be. Finally with Sybil’s help she snaps out of it. No longer content with living in a dream she chooses to wake and start her life. Her real life, saying “maybe I’ll finally get into photography… that’d be nice I think.” Not wanting to forget what’s happened in this dreamscape, she asks for our main character's name, Sybil, before shooing us off to help someone else because, well, there’s always someone else out there that’s lost sight of themself. This time around I just happened to be that person.

Ever since I was a kid I’ve always wanted to make something, I know I know that’s very open ended but it’s really all I wanted. My best friend and I used to stay up late together brainstorming ideas for stories, trying to build interesting worlds inspired by whatever it is we were obsessed with at the time. Anything from stories set in apocalypses to knights and wizards and fleshing out characters that would go and explore these spaces. Of course I was guilty of placing a few self-inserts… I mean what was the point if I couldn’t be the one to explore, to live in these worlds and say what I would do in their situation.

I never really felt like I had the knack for it though, I mean it was fuuuun but after building some semblance of an initial plot I’d always just drop it. Actually going to write scared me half to death. Knowing that every sentence, word, and character I typed into existence became tangible, actually something that could be perceived and consequently critiqued… I hated it. No matter how much I loved what I would create in my mind, the idea of bringing it into existence for it to be rejected wasn’t one I could withstand. That was the case for a loooong time and a loooot of different disciplines and something that I’m learning to not give a fuck about. Slowly and surely.

It was right when I didn’t know where the hell I was going that this game stumbled into my hands. I’d moved back home after a few years away with this grand plan of going back to school so I could teach and, having a plan for what I would do afterwards and blah blah blah. Then the time came, I was fully enrolled in my courses and had a plan of action to get me through it… and I got cold feet. I didn’t know what I was doing anymore, second guessing myself at every turn I dropped out. I decided I’ll work full time for a year. Save money up for school or to travel or blah blah blah… then a month of job hunting and nothing. So… I was back home, the same town I grew up in with the same people and the same part time job from years ago and nothing to show for the years that had elapsed. It felt like no matter what I’d do I would always come back here, back to point A. Ideas half baked in my head and too scared to act on them, to bring the life I want to live into reality.

See I’d given up on realising my dreams, like the princess absorbed in her sleep I sought comfort in distractions. In the dreams of others I found a semblance of solace for what I didn’t believe I could achieve and that sucked. I mean how many times am I gonna start something to just leave it unfinished, give up when the going gets tough because that’s what I did. That’s who I was… With writing, teaching, photography, music. This passion I have burned so hot so quickly, and with that same speed the flames turned to embers, those eventually dying out too.

A couple months into this depressive stint I booted up Pseudoregalia to distract myself, make the time just fade away. By the end of the game I was crying my heart out. See, this compulsion to create, to live, doesn’t ever go away. It can get quiet or fade into the background sometimes but I’ll tell you that no matter what it comes back. And I guess that’s why I’m here, I just can’t help it.

I don’t have it all figured out. Don’t think anyone does or ever will but that’s not what it’s about. I’m done distracting myself, done hiding away in dreams. I’m gonna wake up and I’m gonna live.

Thanks Sybil.

-Love Sylvie